my head is spinning

just submitted my EC report not too long ago.

:) what a huge weight off my chest. time to get some sleep. i'm gonna wake up earlier later to finish my OS report and MR survey analysis.

WHAT A BOOMZ life.

sleep, i need.

the sleep i got for the past 4 days could most prob add up to only max 12hrs.

plus. its not quality sleep. i'm always stressed and woke up from time to time.

super sleepy now. waiting for thurs to come...

i've never been to me

?

If the whole world ask you not to pursue something, what would you do?

If the people around you advise you to thread carefully in life, what would you do?

If you realise you have decided to go forth despite kind advice from people around you, what can you expect?

'one' bears a special meaning now

i'll be there

You and I must make a pact
We must bring salvation back
Where there is love
I�ll be there
I�ll reach out my hand to you
I�ll have faith, you know you do
Just call my name
And I�ll be there
I�ll be there to comfort you
I�ll build my world of dreams around you
I�m so glad that I�ve found you
I�ll be there with love that�s strong
I�ll be your strength
I�ll be holding on and on
Let me fill your heart with joy and laughter
Togetherness
Well that�s all I�m after
Whenever you need me
I�ll be there
(I�ll be there)
I�ll be there to protect you
With a unselfish love, and respect you
Just call my name
I�ll be there
(I�ll be there)
I�ll be there to comfort you
I�ll build my world of dreams around you
I�m so glad that I�ve found you
I�ll be there with love that�s strong
I�ll be your strength
I�ll keep holding on and on
If you should ever find someone new
I know he better be good to you oh
Cos if he doesn�t
Then I�ll be there
(I�ll be there)

This song will keep me company through the night. Somehow, Westlife's cover seems more soothing tonight.

cheers,

you can call me wretch

i have a wretched life. seriously. looking at my schedule for week 13, i know i cannot afford to fall asleep. s0 here i am, having worked for 12 hrs straight and gonna hang on till monday. i wish that there can be a new invention, of wonder pills that can boost my work performance. something like viagra for men.

two more meetings later, and one whole report to churn out by tomorrow morning. hang on, hang on wretch...

'for most of history, anonymous was a woman'

how true, that throughout history, women were so slighted and undermined even though they can be smarter and more admirable than men in a lot of ways. i wonder how many great women have lived their lives in vain due to discrimination.

Given the resources that i have, i should not always wallow in self pity. instead, look far, get over the past and move it. move my life.

well, just a passing thought. back to work :(

overnighter

PULLING AN OVERNIGHTER IN SCHOOL TODAY. sob gsr 3.27 will be my home for tonight.

i'm aiming to complete 80% of my EC report (currently, it stands at 20% completed), and touch on MR report and SPSS analysis, by 7am later. i can do it, won't give up.

peace out.

every woman should

"A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....

enough money within her control to move out

and rent a place of her own even if she never wants

to or needs to...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....

something perfect to wear if the employer or date of her

dreams wants to see her in an hour...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...

a youth she's content to leave behind....

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....

a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to

retelling it in her old age....

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .....

a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black

lace bra...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....

one friend who always makes her laugh... and one who

lets her cry...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....

a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone

else in her family...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....

eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a

recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....

a feeling of control over her destiny...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

how to fall in love without losing herself..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

HOW TO QUIT A JOB,

BREAK UP WITH A LOVER,

AND CONFRONT A FRIEND WITHOUT RUINING THE FRIENDSHIP...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

when to try harder... and WHEN TO WALK AWAY...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

that she can't change the length of her calves,

the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

that her childhood may not have been perfect...but it's over...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

how to live alone... even if she doesn't like it...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

whom she can trust,

whom she can't,

and why she shouldn't

take it personally...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

where to go...

be it to her best friend's kitchen table...

or a charming inn in the woods...

when her soul needs soothing...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

what she can and can't accomplish in a day...

a month...and a year..."

— Pamela Redmond Satran

I came across this quote at www.goodreads.com, a website i've been going to these few days, in search of inspiration and issues to ponder about on my way home. Well, i don't believe everything mentioned in this quote, but i guess yeah, the main crux is for a woman to be sure of herself.

my life is boring. how i hope to go back to reading books. just walking through the aisles of kinokuniya or borders. sipping coffee while reading a book on a rainy day and on a comfortable chair/couch.

i guess this will be me when i crumble.

'remember those walls i built, well baby they are crumbling down, and they didn't even put up a fight, they didn't even make a sound. '

i can't crumble though i think i have the fate an ant, to carry 10-50 times heavier than what i actually can.

well, its actually down to how we see it right? gonna carry on. life gives me shit, i will make chocolate cake out of it.

wondering, wandering.

rainy days = wild imagination, mind wandering off into the future.

I used to dream about living in the attic, having a comfortable japanese style tatami bed, a huge wooden study table, walk in wardrobe, an awesome reading corner with a white wooden bookshelf and a designer chair. there should be a skylight for me to star gaze at night, and windows big enough to allow the sunlight to shine on my face every morning.

it will be my dream to stay in such a house with my loved ones, and perhaps just spend sundays lying on the bed, reading our favourite books, and listening to our favourite music.

:) back to reality.

when someone can actually pen down how you feel.

take a bow.

i'm kinda longing for a break, amidst the nonsensical rush, lack of sleep (even though i might have slept for 10 hrs, but i know its never going to make up for the sleep debt i've incurred).

everyday, i find myself struggling to get up from bed, to face the reality. simply put, there is no motivation, perhaps, other than meeting my friends in school.

but oh well, all these will be over soon, i strongly believe. give me till end of week 13, and by then, i should be able to tell you i'm much more relieved.

To all my friends, this is something i came across, and find it so true:

alrighty, i'm gonna head back to my reports, and perhaps a sleepless night. I really pray that i can wake up for my 12nn class later, cause i missed it last week. i'm guilty, for my prof is very nice.

somehow, i know i will miss this mad rush in the future, and rather than regretting, i should treasure it now.

done with scm! (nah, there's still my part for the report)

done with scm presentation. crapped my way through without even rehearsing a single bit. shag, my skills are getting lousier. hahaha.

today, we had the last EC class and we got back our mid term results.

i'm very tired from lack of sleep. gonna pull through no matter what and pray that exams will end REAL SOON.

anyway, i was just thinking how sweet it will be if someone can tell you... (不让你的眼睛，再看见人世的伤心）. just trying to be random, yet again :D

ramblings

there is only this much that one's abilities can be stretched. are you going to settle for less or live a life which you will never regret? look ahead, be sure of what you want. focus and work hard for it, do not be contented with what you have. self improvement can never be sufficient.

what can others have, that you can't have? nothing.

gain weight

gain weight gain weight.

today, i truly think i'm underweight when i saw myself in the full length mirror. i hope i can recover my love handles, have a slightly bulging tummy and perhaps bigger bust area.

HAHAHA. alrighty. back to work.

the $75 dinner.

Had dinner with sinyi, cass and jet at a thai food outlet today. according to sinyi, we had 9 dishes+dessert and the total bill was $75. We must have eaten damn a lot. The food was appetizing and great, and it was ultra satisfying.

thanks friends, for this dinner, i truly felt a lot better after having so many good laughs with you all :)

And yes, sinyi, you can really read me like a book. truth to be told, i was quite shocked when you actually answered the question (what was the craziest thing you have ever done?) for me. It certainly didn't cross my mind that you would know, and on hindsight, i think i concur with you.

i'm looking forward to many more dinners with you people. Its always great to mix laughter with nice food. And next time, we can consider having more in depth conversations, rather than the usual sexual ones. haha.

sleeping pattern.

time to change my sleeping pattern to get more work done.

efficiency is the key.

perhaps i should really try to sync my sleeping hours with that of the rest of the singaporeans. argh, hate it when i feel like i have to complete so much work under a tight schedule.

teach me how? week 12 is here. and everything will be over soon.

peace out.

the emo post

thanks jet, for dropping by my place and for the cake.

though the emotions in me still stir, i'm glad to have friends like you. And similarly, this goes out to all those who have been kind enough to send me a text! :) greatly appreciated. and don't worry, guys and girls, it won't be long before i regain my happier self :]

Today

today is one of those days,

where i know that i know i have to skip a class to avoid a breakdown in school.

where my tears are my best friends,

the rain and gloomy clouds understand me the best,

and my bed is my only comforting hideout.

where my iphone is the only one which has never failed me,

and i know my favourite songs will never ever judge me.

the tree is the only living thing which will never doubt me,

and smiling is just a facade to prevent my friends from worrying.

maybe its due to the buildup from 6 semesters of school, especially when last sem and this sem have been real challenging. or perhaps, due to a multitude of other factors, other aspects of life. I'm sick of explaining and convincing in a world where nobody seems to be able to comprehend me.

perhaps its just me.

don't worry, i'm not suicidal.

SO FUCKING STRESSED THAT I'M GOING TO DISAPPEAR INTO THIN AIR.

heartstrings

have you ever felt like there's something tugging at your heartstrings? I feel it all day. A bad omen or simply just an impending heart attack? haha. in any case, it makes me feel uneasy all day.

week 11 sets in, and there comes week 12 and 13 where the project reports are due and presentations will take place.

phew.

anyway, i realised why i'm always emo. its the songs i'm listening to. think elton john, whitney houston, dan hill, celine dion.

from now on

from now on, i will keep to my own business and not meddle in politics or any one else's issues.

arghhh, leash up the meddlesome me pls.

stay neutral, girl.

my long term goal

i've always known that my long term goal will be to be the change i want to see in the world, to one day, promote a cause that i firmly believe in. To one day, travel the globe and see for myself, the brutalities people are experiencing. To stand up for myself, for what i believe in, and be able to make an impact the lives of others. Even if it means i have to do all these alone.

the link which sinyi posted reinforced my ideals: http://www.cnn.com/2010/OPINION/02/02/ensler.TED.talk.girl.power/index.html

Perhaps the only thing i am still unsure of will be what to do before that. My short and medium goals. Time to think about them, after my dream to be an events manager shattered after internship.

what does it mean to you?

Friendship, you can't hug it and declare that you love it. You can't touch it, see it, or smell it.

Despite the fact that we don't meet up that often, don't talk over the phone everyday, or we might just check on each other only once in a few weeks/months, you can always feel it and know that somehow its always there.

Friendships come and go, yes they do.

But somehow or the other, you are sure that they will always be back, giving you all the strength that you need.

the shit never stops coming.

endless rush for projects, admin matters.

this sem, my projects all seem to be delayed or backlogged in some ways or another. i think i will be engulfed with work and sleepless nights in the coming weeks. cheers to everyone whos in the same shit as me.

i'm already stressed out enough. please, don't let anything happen anymore. come share my burden instead.

misunderstood

being misunderstood is my life, as much as i hate to admit. the feeling sucks and no one can understand this better than i myself do.

yes, miss misunderstood is gonna move on in life regardless of what you think.

things i can do in summer

here are some things that i will set out to achieve over summer, somethings that i can look forward to, hopefully:

1) learn how to skate, and if this is successful, possibly ice skate too!

2) learn how to cook (proper meals)

3) MASTER PARALLEL PARKING. this is something i've always hope to be able to do. i have been looking forward to the day when i can parallel park at geylang, my hometown.

4) if i have enough time, i will learn how to bake (properly) and knit!

ok, thats all to make my life more wholesome.

149 days

149 days.

actually, a very small part of me feels that bit of relief cause the day has finally arrived for us to start the countdown.

well, make the best out of everything, shall we?

i know we will get by.

thanks friends for the constant checks and encouragements ;)

this sem can just be my worst in smu thus far.

no motivation and i feel like i'm falling apart. come on, i've got to move these.

get a grip on yourself, shi hui!