my loves, lately

I know exams are coming, and i should be mugging hard, since i'm such a cui student. But, somehow, once i start, i can't stop. THE BOYS ARE ARE SO DAMN PRETTY. so, i can't help but watch them late into the night, like 4 plus am. No regrets. But this pretty much sums up why i don't get work done at home. And so, i've resolved to study in school till late, and then go home to chill and watch them every night. WOOTS.

LOOK AT HIM. I'm REALLY dumbfounded. Seriously, I never thought that Korean boys were cute until i saw him. They are those type of boys whom you can't get sick of! 

I will stop this. Cause i sound super bimbo. i'm sorry. can't contain it. 

Donghae and Han Geng from Super Junior. Gee.

Ok, to end of like my normal self: 

Went to Sandy's place for steamboat last night. Had a lot of fun laughing and eating. hee hee... and Sandy is really a good host. my direct opposite. ahha... everything will be perfect without goldie. heh heh. anyway, i had the inspiration to do this up last night. hope the girls like it. and i'm looking forward to more dinner gatherings with the other 4 crankies. 

Watch Me Shine

Attended a talk on 'Entrepreneurship as A Career' today and i learnt some lessons though it was quite a short session of 1.5 hrs.

There was this lady, Adeline Tan, who started her own Wedding Planner business when she was 18+. And Ash Singh, who started to build his own businesses at around 20, and Hansel, who started at 16.

I wanted to attend this talk so as to be able to explore more career options and to see what entrepreneurship really entails. Though I didn't really gain all these in the end, i guess i some sort of learnt something from the speeches the guests made.

The reason why they were able to start so young and slowly grow them was the motivation that is pushing them, determination that were able to carry them through, and passion that fired them up. These are 3 traits thats really lacking in me.

For those close enough to me to know, my ambition is to have my own events company in the future. After today, i came to a realisation that i can actually start piecing and building my dream now. NOW it is.

Except that i lack the resources, networking, drive, determination and CERTAINTY. The assurance that i will not fail. Thats hampering me from trying.

Well, we shall see, i guess i should start working on my fears and overcome them through preparation and proper researching. Hopefully, i will be able to kickstart something before graduation;)

ONE DAY, YOU WILL WATCH ME SHINE AND LISTEN TO ME IN AWE. ONE DAY.

the cockroach

i have been sleeping late and sleeping in late everyday since saturday.. haiz.. wasting my time..but then again, its only for 4 days.. ahah.. 4 days out of 11 weeks. hence, it might be good to actually unwind myself before i prep myself for exams and internship..

went out for supper with kevin and yanda. was actually eating happily when i discovered a cockroach in my hokkien mee. The worst thing is, the cockroach look limp. and i bet all its intestines have been mixed inside my hokkien mee. this is absurdly disgusting. yucks. but being the humji me again, had to depend on kevin to help me get a refund.. haha.. but anyways, got my $4 back..hahahaha!

i'm seriously experiencing a queer feeling in my stomach now.. i hope i'm just imagining too much.. i hope so!

anyway, here's wishing my little cousin, chang, a speedy recovery! and will someone go shopping with me for clothes.. will need a lot for my internship i guess...hehe

fishballs

invited the girls over for dinner today. was actually surprised that they do the dishes.. hahahhahahahahhaahhaah!

nonetheless.. had a hard time controlling my laughter..

:)

-----------------------------------------------------
on another note, sometimes i really really hope that i will have the luxury to just sit down at a coffeehouse, sip some coffee, read a novel, and listen to some soft music. so ironic it seems, that relaxing seems like a luxury, when this could be just a matter of choice.

What exactly is holding us back from doing what we really want, what we really feel happy about. i don't know..

my sentiments exactly

Reached home not too long ago after supper at macs and more imptly, after the friendly with the APAC ladies team.

A team with players of sorts. Strong individually but still needs time to gel as a team.

Yes. We were beaten by them. But we didn't lose thoroughly. At least we took home with us important lessons. I'm not really sure whether the other girls have the same sentiments as me. But, I would just like to blog about how i felt and learnt from this game. (i should be rushing my CB report out now. but somehow, i felt that reflecting takes priority. promise this will be a short one so that i can get back to CB and then have enough sleep for my 830am lesson later.. zzzzz)

No doubt i thought that we were courting death by agreeing to the friendly. Playing against the best from all over Singapore is definitely a challenge itself. However, after going through one season of Div 2, and 2 IVPs, and after watching countless matches, I have understood that no team should underestimate themselves. The ball is small and round. There are no guarantees in any match and every team should really put up a good fight for their own sake. For the coach's sake, for the team's sake.

Yes. Other than the satisfaction gained from saving shots, what really drives me to carry on despite being mentally and physically drained, is witnessing how my team mates ran and gave their best. To top it all off, my coach's yelling and screaming also spur me on. I know that i have already repeated this a lot of times. But i see the need for stressing this point to myself. To not forget about my motivation and to always give my best for every game.

If i were to go into any game, thinking that my team will lose, then, won't it be better off to not play the game right from the start? Since we have already decided to play the game, we must well maximise it and play our best. Prove our mettle and turn the tables around!

What Dennis said during debrief made a lot of sense to me. Its the BELIEF that makes a huge difference. Believing that we will triumph and give our all.

For myself, today's game was the first real match after IVP. I certainly have a lot to improve on. My mental strength, my stamina. I know i'm a big fat sore loser for rolling on the floor like physically, after conceding every single goal. How would the other team view me? More imptly, how will these actions impact my team mates?

I have resolved to face every goal. To recognise that i can't do much after the goal is scored. What i can do is to buck up and make sure no ball will reach the back of the net anymore. Belief, a short one it seems, means a huge difference.

A difference between winning and losing, performing or giving up.

please give up this seat to someone who needs it more than you do

oh my.. whats the world coming to. whats the good of our education system.

when big healthy men choose to turn a blind eye to the pregnant lady who is obviously in need for a seat. when young kids sat glued to their seats despite the presence of an elderly lady who is carrying lots of stuff.

didnt we learn to give up our seats to those who need it more than you do since young? isnt is supposed to be a social norm to spring up from your seat and give it up to an elderly/pregnant lady instead? of course. no one is obliged to do that. but i believe anyone in the right state of mind and who has the basic courtesies, will do so. at the very least, these are 2 groups of people whom we should care for.

ok. sorry for blabbering. im just feeling pissed that i have to witness all these and not dare to go up to these incorrigible people. blame myself for not having guts.

personality test

You Are a Chocolate Cupcake

You are deep, richly interesting, and at times overpowering. You have a strong personality. You are drawn to people who adore you. You love it when your specialness is recognized. You are like a cupcake because it's hard for people to get enough of you. You have a mysterious charm that makes you incredibly addicting. People are drawn to your drama.

What Flavor Cupcake Are You?

HHAAH.. i seriously don't know how true it is..

a moment to remember

went for the alumni games today. was pretty bad. afterall, i have not trained for so many weeks! i deserve to be beaten really. the first period was really bad.. let in 2 goals, one of which was a blatant mistake of mine. 2nd period, i felt better and my performance became normal. however, i still let in a goal from top corner. haiz.

you see, floorball is really a fast game, with a small ball. its really difficult to anticipate the outcome of a match and where and when players will shoot. and this is my challenge. a task im so proud of and which feeds me with satisfaction.

never mind. im sure my performance will improve if i go for more trainings. which i hope i will have time for yeah!

btw, i was watching this rather old korean movie: A Moment To Remember. It was a movie released in 2004 and i think i saw it on channel u but didnt bother to watch. But, last night, when i watched it, i was overwhelmed by the story plot. by the brutalities of life. i like to imagine things and i think my favourite past time is to watch movies which can make me cry. back to the topic: i wonder what will happen when one really loses his/her memory. this is common for the elderly. but, it is cruel to the young. at 20+, when you realises that you are going senile is just too much for one to take.truly.

ogays, back to my nego essay. i have been procrastinating. time to get back to work!

a dose of inspiration

its weird how it feels like 2am even though its only 1247am now. i had a short day today but somehow time seems to fly at the speed of light. Or maybe even faster.

after hearing from my mum that my neighbour had contracted cancer out of the blue, i begin to lament life. yes. uncertainties in life. tragedies in life. the sudden twist of life. the unforgiving life.

i admit i was never a perfectly healthy kid but i strive to be one. i took part in sports day and did sports even though i wasnt exactly in the pink of health. i want to be healthy even though my fate might forbid so. after all, i am the only person who can change my own life. if one day, i'm stricken with some terminal illness (which is highly probable), i know i will spend my day everyday as per normal, or even more happening.

ok.. shed the gloom!

i realised that i havent really updated this blog with the '25 random things' (or stories, in my case. haha). completely forgot about it. and since i'm feeling rather free right now, i shall proceed to update you all!=))

7) think of the first time you have met me.


what was my first impression to you?

since young, the comments i have gotten from my friends are, 'You look dao when you don't speak.', 'Ice Queen'.... and the list goes on. Yes, i admit the fact that i don't look friendly and i'm trying to change that first impression.

8) Yes. SMU has a clubbing culture. as in, maybe 70% of SMU students will be at mambo during term break week. hahha.. thats a hell lot. however, to answer the question on most of my friends' mind. I myself, have only clubbed twice in my entire 21 years. Once was for a friend's 21st, and the other was actually at DXO, which i don't really consider a club. haha..

9) i have laugh lines. those obvious short lines around your eyes when you laugh too hard. sure they look like wrinkles. but i stress that they are not. they are laugh lines. pretty cool ones.

thats all folks!

WHY NOT?

i have so much to blog about, so much to lament, so much to crap. but somehow, i find it hard to put them into words and note them here. and most of the times, when i can really pen my thoughts and feel poetic enough, my laptop will be running low in batt or i will be lying on my bed, looking back on my life.

i am experiencing a mish mash of emotions right now, a part of me see myself as a driven student, but a larger part of me sees myself as a useless person.

i'm 21 (soon to be), and it seems like i haven't achieve anything in life. yes. i admit to being a lousy mugger, a poor student. why cant i excel in studies. why do i see the world so differently from so many people. why can't i bring my points across.

so many why's. i should adopt the scientists/engineers mentality instead.

WHY NOT?

for now, i shall just think again. why aren't i making all the above happen. no one is born a useless bum. the lesson is to keep asking yourself 'WHY NOT', why can't this happen instead?

alright. everyone's life is pretty much glum at this point of time. economic recession, week 10 of the semester. but why not make yourself feel better!

WHY NOT think this way:
1) economic recession: more shopping treats, more sales out there in the shopping malls (bimbo's POV). an economy can't be bullish all the time. ok.. im not exactly an economist. i don't know how to make someone feel better by citing economic terms. haha!
2) week 10 of semester: HEY! you have survived 9 weeks of studying! give yourself a pat on your back!

life will be so much better if we ask ourselves why not and set off to find solutions. like that, we will not be stuck and wallow in self pity. instead, a better tomorrow will be created.

my regular update.. heh heh

i'm not a regular updater. i'm lazy to write.. haha!

anyway, this week i'm really bogged down by immense workload. luckily, by next monday, everything should be more or less wrapped up! next tuesday will be mum's birthday.. going out for a feast! and, im inviting someone(s) over for dinner on friday night next week...;)

anyway, i am really afraid about BP. although i can pretty much tell myself to take it easy, sometimes, when you know that you are in the bottom 25%, its not that easy anymore.

i'm going to take part in this Citibank-Youth for Causes programme. I am aiming to learn really something useful out of this. not really out to win or anything, but to really make a change and hopefully learn more about myself through lending a helping hand to those in need. sounds cliche? its really what i think.

i know i'm made for bigger ambitions in life. something that extends beyond just mugging my life away.

freaked out

i really need to get some work done after having slacked through tues and wed afternoons and nights. with CB quiz, nego essay, cb project, bp project 2,mpw readings and project coming my way, i really cant afford to slack anymore, unless i'm subconsicously wishing for sleepless nights in the following weeks.

just some thoughts sharing here.

on my way home yesterday, i was suddenly stricken with fear when i worried about how i will fare in my internship. i was lucky to have gotten the internship as i had all along wanted to do an events mgmt internship and hopefully, when i graduate, set up an events mgmt company on my own after a few years of working in some random company. i need a dynamic job. not a 9 to 5 job that will strap me down to my seat. however, my internship period totally sucks. it will start one day after my last paper, aka 21st april, and will only end on 15th august, two days before school reopens. yeah.. sai gang all the way, no break, no short getaways. but, hopefully, i can learn the ropes and discover more about myself during this period of time. since i have to do it, must well enjoy it right? *always look on the bright side of life, deng deng deng deng deng deng deng deng*

apart from the internship, i also questioned my love for events mgmt. i looked into the future. imagined whether i will really be happy with a hectic lifestyle and unstable pay. im unsure. or rather, freaked out at the thought of it. or maybe volunteering will be the better cup of tea for me. social entrepreneur maybe. not for the glamourous title of an entrepreneur, but rather, whether i really have a passion for it. thats why im rather determined to join the citibank-youth for causes 2009 to test whether my thoughts are realistic enough, my working style down to earth enough.

hope i can be certain about my life soon. an aimless life is no life.

how i spent week 8

I'm finally done with IEA project! the presentation was quite alright, better than what we had expected! i hope=)

so, week 8 was quite eventful.

though i spent mondays and tuesday in school, i realised i didnt really do much. I spent Wednesday and Thursday in Batam with the girls! It was fun! I always thought that Batam is quite dirty and too rugged for a getaway. But the resort (batam view) was way better than what i had expected. the villa was super pretty and comfortable and the food was fab. we also did some watersports despite facing a tight schedule. omg. i realised that i sound as if i'm writing a report here! haha..

anws, i threw Cass off the jetski cause i was acting tough by speeding and making a sharp turn suddenly. In the end, both of us got flung off unexpectedly. I had to control my laughter while i was in the water as i was afraid i will really drown. haha.. anw, seeing how sandy and cass peformed in wakeboarding, i really feel like trying out next time. ok, i will!=)

we took lots of photos though its just a short 2D1N relaxation trip.

so, i received 2 phonecalls while i was in Batam. At first i refused to answer the calls from this unfamiliar number. but the girls asked me to pick it up, as it might be a call for an internship offer. True enough, they called. its how weird that these people don't usually call when you are really free and expecting some a reply from them when you are in singapore. they pick the oddest timing.

to cut the long story short, i went for the interview on Friday. It was quite a smooth one if not for my perpetual sweating (from the hot sun and me losing my way again!)

and so, here comes Saturday. aka, Waikiki day.

Waikiki was fun, played captain's ball with the floorballers and tackled michelle and toren. ahha!

went home at 3plus, slept in for 3 hours and rushed back to school for IEA meeting. i proceeded to spend the night in school working out the report together with kevin and yanda. it was hellish. but at the end of the day, when you look back at what you have done. It suddenly doesnt seem so torturous anymore. we ended at 9am with a well deserved macdonald breakfast!

and so, i slept in for the whole of Sunday. ended the day off with a bang by meeting up with the girls for a ktv session till 4am.

well, this is just a factual account of what happened to me during the whole of week 8.

want to read my analysis? haha..